Thursday, September 22, 2011

No more wire hangers!!

Bettie-Page-Close-Up

<------------  Bettie Page is on my list of like the Top 10 Hottest Women of All Time. If she had been able to bottle up her sex appeal (and general capacity for always looking HOT), then I would have been first in line, with a pitched tent and my Snuggie close at hand, to buy a lifetime supply of that magic juice.

SO.0511.Mothers2.HO.Copy of 1955 file photo of Joan Crawford.

Joan Crawford  --------------->(circa 1955) couldn't make that list of hotties, even if she tried to blackmail one of the judges by holding one of their children hostage at knifepoint (or wire hanger point? Get it? Oh, nevermind).

So, needless to say, when I decided that I would finally get my bangs cut I certainly made a point to reference several pics of Betty Page. I also made a point, with extreme clarity, to express that in no way did I want to resemble Joan Crawford. Ew, no thank you Ms. Crawford. No. Thank. You.

Just so there would no room for error, I provided my mom with pictures of what I wanted and didn't want in a brand new, shiny set of bangs. I showed her pics of Betty Page and Joan Crawford.

110911-120934-1I even took it a step further by spending a ridiculous waste of time on manipulating my long hair into a bang shape and snapping a picture. Just so there could be no confusion……

Of course I thought I was being quite helpful in this instance. My mother (who is not easily frazzled nor annoyed) , on the other hand, looked as if she was imagining me careening into a deep, rocky ravine after tossing me off an airplane. She was not amused by my apparent distrust in her haircutting skills.

Alas, after attempt number one, I looked exactly as I wished I hadn't.

But, thankfully, I was blessed with a sense of humor and not an ounce of an issue with, quite uncontrollably and sometimes very loudly, laughing at myself. So, before I allowed my mother to go for attempt number two, I decided it was the perfect opportunity for me to take a stupendously re-donk-u-lous picture of myself:

After_1

Just imagine that in the moment in which this picture was taken that my mom and I are in between the hysterics of laughter while I am yelling out:

"No more wire hangers!!!!!!"

I think this picture is a true testament to my ability to laugh at myself....especially considering how undeniably dorky and presumably unattractive I appear in said picture.

Lucky for me my mom was able to stop laughing at me and my ode to Joan long enough to perform haircut number two in the attempt to fix the hot-mess resting ominously on my forehead.

AUDREY19

Now I just feel a lot like Audrey Hepburn from Funny Girl which is about the equivalent of feeling like a prepubescent 10-year old boy....which is never a good thing LOL. But I think I am able to rock out the look for the next couple of weeks until I let mom try for attempt number three.

Well in case you were wondering, here is the temporarily new me, in all my bang-glory:

After_2

Here's hoping that three times really is a charm and I end up more sex kitten. If it ends up being some blend of Joan and Audrey, I'm liable to end up looking like 10-year old boy in drag. Sweet. LMAO.

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